November 2nd 4:15pm
Karma, Life Cycles, Destiny, Turning Point...
I’ve been overflowing with emotion lately. I was put on pause this month, my plans uprooted and my mind and body asked to sit quiet and still. In that silence, I started to hear myself again. Tomorrow is my birthday and like for a lot of people, this brings up deep self-reflection.
To add to that self-reflection, are the feelings of joy, love, and grief that come with remembering my childhood friend Lia. Today is Lia’s birthday.
Lia chose to end her life when we were 14. 11 years later and I am still learning from my time with her and my time without her. In that time, my love for her has grown into something I could have never imagined.
Time is ever moving and the world continues to spin. I seem to convince myself year after year, that I have “fully processed” losing her, but I don’t think there’s an end to that. I’m reminded of that when the memories of her take me deep into the night and the grief feels just as fresh as the day I was told she was gone.
I say this with love and gratitude as the rawness of these emotions ground me to the earth and remind me that I am alive, here and now. She once told me that I was a light in her life and she continues to be a light in mine.
I never thought I’d meet anyone like Lia when she fell into my life. When she passed on, I was terrified to open myself up to others and connect on that level again. Terrified that when I did, I was opening myself up to that loss and pain again.
And I am, but I am also opening to the kind of love that lives beyond time and space. The kind of love that continues to grow even when they're are gone. The kind of love that keeps their spirit alive. I’ve found love and friends again and I embrace my grief like a long lost friend.
In that moment when the clock strikes midnight tonight and her day of birth transitions to mine our worlds will temporarily collide.
This is a poem to myself, to Lia, and to anyone else who feels lost and alone.
She lies inside awake at night, tossing and turning with fright.
With all her might, she’ll fight another endless night.
She who runs with the wolves,
twirls with the fairies,
sings with the sirens,
dreams with the daemons.
A wild soul not of this realm,
a power that can’t be held within this mere human shell.
Her mother and father will try with all their might, lest they get swept up into her void of endless night.
After all, she might just run and fall, into the warm embrace of night’s thrall.
The shadows that guard are tricky, as to enter the celestial city,
The mirrors must be faced, assimilated, vindicated.
Elysium is where our truth is to be found and I seek it out like a bloodhound.
Tethered to my body I traverse the thin line between
Temporarily earthbound I see past the smoke screen
Down the rabbit hole I leap, as I have my own faith to keep.
Come with me and see the space between
The beauty of being seen.
I love you Lia, Happy Birthday